-LRB- LifeWire -RRB- -- When George Dello of San Diego was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and told he had at best five months to live , he did n't immediately begin the chemotherapy treatments his doctor recommended . Instead , he and his wife , Pam , drove up the California coast and spent a week among the redwoods north of San Francisco .

Expert : Family and friends can help the terminally ill by spending time with them .

`` These trees are 5 feet wide and 150 feet tall , '' said Dello , 43 . `` They still have another 150 feet to grow and are going to stick around for another 1,000 years . When I thought about that , I 'm just a flea on the bark . It 's unbelievable . ''

The trip offered Dello , who worked in the auto repossession business , and his wife a chance to come to terms with the diagnosis in August 2008 , and to scratch the trip to the redwood forests off his life `` to do '' list while he was still relatively healthy .

He died four months later .

The idea that dying well is as important as living well gained cultural currency last year when Randy Pausch , a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon University , delivered a final lecture a month after learning that his pancreatic cancer had spread and was inoperable . The lecture was viewed millions of times on the Internet and adapted into a best-selling book .

`` We can not change the cards we are dealt , '' Pausch , who died in July at age 47 , told his audience , `` just how we play the hand . ''

`` Die the way you live ''

It 's easy , experts say , for terminally ill patients and their loved ones to focus so much on their medical care and other important practical matters , including funerals and wills , that a `` good '' death eludes them . Health permitting , a trip like the one Dello took with his wife can help , as can visits from friends and family .

`` You 're going to die the way you live , '' says Fran Moreland Johns , a former hospice volunteer and author of `` Dying Unafraid . '' `` Laughter , music , all of the things that have been important in your life -- if you put them to work for making your end times better , you can actually affect your dying days . ''

`` That 's where Randy Pausch has set a wonderful example . He brought all of his skills to bear on living until the moment he died . ''

Tony Wallace , a retired foreign service officer from Arlington , Virginia , went on a Caribbean cruise with his wife , Susan , after he learned in September 2004 that he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis , or ALS . As his illness progressed , Wallace , a former adjunct professor of public policy at George Mason University , put his teaching and writing skills to work by starting a blog , `` Navigating Through ALS , '' and using it as a platform to help others suffering from the disease .

`` I 'm not a compiler of life lists of things I never got to do and places I never got to visit , '' Wallace wrote in December 2007 . `` I look back on my life to date and view it as a well-judged race -- like a NASCAR race in which you do n't set the speed record , but you do n't crash , handle the curves well , and deliver a respectable performance . ''

Wallace died September 4 , 2008 at age 67 . Susan Wallace , a part-time editor , says her husband 's illness , while painful and difficult , offered an opportunity of sorts .

`` If I had to choose between a long-term illness and an immediate death , I think I would go for a long-term illness , although it was hard on both of us , '' she says . `` But the last four years have been incredible years , probably the best years of our marriage . We became closer than we ever were . ''

For friends and family

Friends and family can help tremendously simply by showing up , says Kathy Brandt , vice president of professional leadership , consumer and caregiver services for the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization . Often , she says , people worry so much about what to say to someone with a terminal illness -- or about saying the wrong thing -- that they just stay away .

`` We need to put aside our selfish fears , '' says Brandt . `` That may sound a little harsh , but it 's not really about us . ''

One way to avoid saying the wrong thing is to steer clear of cliches , she says .

'' ` God has a reason ' or ` tomorrow will be another day ' -- those kinds of things are trite , but they 're also impersonal , '' says Brandt .

`` If the person wants to chat and talk , then just ask a question or two and let the person talk . If the person 's not physically well enough to do a lot of talking , ask if they 'd like to hear a story about something that happened at work , or saying , ` Would you like me to read a story to you ? ' It 's all about figuring out where the person is at and meeting them where they are . ''

Visits can be used to tie up loose ends or resolve old conflicts , says Brandt .

Susan Wallace says her husband had time to repair one particularly nagging rift before he died , and Dello also took opportunities to resolve disputes with friends and former co-workers .

`` Most people at the end of their life need closure , '' says Brandt . `` If they 've offended someone or had an argument with somebody , they can say they 're sorry . Oftentimes they like the opportunity to say goodbye to people . They may not say those words , but that 's what those visits can be with friends and loved ones . ''

In Johns ' view , the biggest hurdle for most people is overcoming their fear of the unknown and realizing that , for most , death `` is not the worst thing that 's going to happen . ''

`` We do n't know what dying is , '' says Johns . `` Whatever your religious background , it 's easier for us to ignore death and pretend that it does n't happen than to accept it as an unknown with all the other unknowns -- in this day and age there are a lot of them -- and deal with what we can and not be so spooked . ''

LifeWire provides original and syndicated content to Web publishers . William Lamb is a staff writer for The Record of Bergen County , New Jersey . His writing has appeared in Dwell , the St. Louis Post-Dispatch , the Philadelphia Inquirer and at USATODAY.com .

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Randy Pausch set an example of a good death for the terminally ill

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Author : He used his skills to go on `` living until the moment he died ''

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Hospice official : People avoid the sick , worrying too much about what to say

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Visits can be used by dying to tie up loose ends or heal rifts